I havent written for some days now. And really there is nothing there to write.

I only want to stress two things. I dont know how to react to people trying to take advantage of me and second I am really bored of everything.

Nothing seems to be fun anymore. I dont know why. The only thing I like is sleeping , and even that sometimes is difficult, to get to sleep , I mean.

I have been thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. I know it seems irrational and out of the blue, but I am not having fun anymore in my relationship. There is so much out there and all I am doing is living a boring, miserly life.

He is not to blame ofcourse,I am. But he is a tendency that makes it worse. He is not trying to pull me out of it, rather likes it, thinks this is the way life is and actually tries to maintain the situation.

I dont know yet what to do, this nagging thought and the insecurity of not being sure of how you feel or think about a subject or a person makes me feel rotten.

On a happy note though, I decorated for Christmas, and the house and the tree look gorgeous.

I just wish I was feeling gorgeous as well.

I have to remember I have a dermatologist appointment on Tuesday! I should def not forget that.

I am going back to my reading now. Currently I am reading the god delusion. I am at chapter 5 so I dont have much to tell you.

I am also reading the road less travelled number 3 in the series, I dont know exactly the title in English. I will let you know what I think when I finish with that one too.

love

Here we are again , at the end of a Monday. Usually I hate Mondays, but today it was a good day! I planted my gardenia in a bigger pot, cleaned my pharmacy, and the time passed quickly.

It wasnt so busy but I wasnt so tired, so time passed quickly. I am sleeping in the afternoons as well now, so it is good!

I will start going to bed at 10.30 from today, meaning that I will sleep around 11, god willing! I need to be getting more sleep, it is just not normal to sleep only 6 hours per night, when I am getting so tired throughout the day.

What else. The weekend was boring. I didnt do anything interesting apart from talking to annoying people, or talking to people, but talking too much, which I always later on regret.

My grandmother is going through a bout of hysteria lately. She suggested that I should get a perm, that my pashmina looked like a sheet (for beds). She told me that having too many bf is disastrous for somebody's character, that she was 29 when she got married, and she had been quite the catch coz 50 young men were asking for her hand, but she loved nobody.She never fell in love all her life apparently. It doesnt amaze me, she is a true narcissist, so it is logical. She claims that she had so much pride that she would not allow anybody to say that she loved him and of course she was scared to death, what might happen if she did love somebody, would he take advantage of her?

oh! the absurdities of the old greek women, still living in another century ethically.They still consider virginity a virtue, not because of christian values, but god knows why! I guess in their time, it was like a pride thing.

She looks at me and she sees somebody that should marry asap. I am turning 30....so I cant really ask for much. The problem is she doesnt think so highly of me, so who will have to put up with me? I am also impure, having so so so many lovers.I told her 5.It shocked her.Should I feel sorry for her, or for me that I have to waste my time listening to her bs? Or maybe it is the least you can do for your grandma, who is a widow, alone and needs some company. And doesnt like anybody else really....But all in all, it is annoying and it did put another black mark on an already boring and unhappy Sunday.

Tomorrow it is a Tuesday, and maybe I will be visiting my aunt that had a baby recently. It is her first baby and she is turning 50. Pretty amazing. I am very curious to see motherhood at such an age, especially when knowing my aunt, she is not the most patient person in the world.

I got two more spots on my face. I dont know why I keep getting them.What is wrong with me? there can be so many reasons why. Stress, different products of skincare, makeup, hormones, etc etc...who knows....I hope they go away and never come back!


kisses!

Today I was supposed to be busy.I wasnt. I am not making enough money.

I learned today that a young baby girl has brain cancer and I rang my connections, maybe we could do something for her so she can go to the USA to be operated. Fingers crossed.Lets hope the baby gets well.


So I am tired. And I am reading the road less traveled. Has anybody read this? what are your opinions? sometimes it makes me think he is arrogant, sometimes he makes me think he is right...

I have to finish it to let you know.

What else? I need to start going to bed earlier.Like 10.30. I am not getting enough sleep.

Sunday today and I did nothing . I overslept, which was good.

I had lunch with my bf, had a fight with my mum coz I didnt have lunch with her, and then just bought newspapers and magazines that I didnt have time to browse through, let alone read, and now I have to prepare myself mentally for the week to come.

I have soooo much paperwork. I mean too much paperwork, which I hate, and I dont know when I will do it. The problem is that I have to do it, when I do not have customers in the pharmacy because I get confused. Maybe I could do it in the afternoon but that means extra work and less time for myself, and time actually wasted, but I have to figure something out.

So now I am off to my newspapers.

Tomorrow with more news.

PS
I had a weird dream, I have a premonition of somebody dying. I know who , and I feel it is going to happen within the week. I will let you know if it does happen or not.

I didnt write yesterday, the main reason being that I was too tired. My day was like full of events, small events, but events nevertheles.

A woman that is 70 years old and has some weird red spots on her face wanted a makeup to conceal them. Well she didnt want a makeup, that was entirely up to me to translate, because she came asking for powder, like talc , as we say. After probing , I realised what she wanted and gave her the compact from La roche posay toleriane, with the little sponge which worked as a charm and then she was happy because she wouldnt have to fend off all these women at church that kept commenting on her face and spots. So first realisation of the day, that unless , I get to go to their church on Sunday, I will not be able to grasp the real social life of the village I work in.

She then brought me a picture of when she was engaged. What a true beauty she was. If I felt envious, and I live in 2009, with sufficient money , techniques, photoshop and loads of makeup , then imagine how her contemporaries felt like. I mean lets talk Ingrid Bergman style, lets talk freshness like you have never seen before, and a breathtaking sweet face, close to angelic. She was sad though, she was so sad and she confided in me ( i have to tell you here, she takes drugs for depression and a bit more than that), after making me swear that I will talk to nobody, in essence I am talking to nobody, coz nobody reads my blog, that she still thinks of the man she loved but didnt marry 50 years ago.

I know from another lady, who this man is, and i didnt ask further details. I know the man because he had been my neighboor for a very long time and do not hold him so much in esteem.But she still thinks about him , she is still unhappy that she was forced to love somebody she didnt love, and was forced to live a life throughout which she was always reminiscing of the few romantic moments when he asked her to dance and he held her hand . I mean that was what a relationship was like at the time. No sex involved really. Poor woman, I felt so sad.

I felt sadder when I found out that a car had run over one of the kittens I gave my friend , so I cried a bit and rang my mom and my bf, but nobody seemed to care. They were all busy. They did ring me back to check up on me ,but by the time, I had customers , so I had pulled myself together already.

Then i drove back home to take some yarn for a lady to knit a scarf for her granddaughters and also bring some bread and some drugs to my grandma, and then I went back to work.

I took my mothers employee. I borrowed her. She is a nice girl with a big big story. This will take ages , so I will talk in another post about her. Anyways she was moaning about her life again but once more decided to ignore my advice on how her life could get better and instead spent some minutes outside the pharmacy sucking on a cigarette like a real addict. Disturbing, I must say.

Then I went home, exhausted. and slept, exhausted after just doing nothing really.

and that was Friday.

Saturday now, I took very few money with me to the library so I couldnt spend anything. I still bought a pair of boots, damn it.

I borrowed some new books and then met up with my bf to drink coffee, a thing we havent done in a year or so.It was ok.. Actually it is nice, I liked it!

I then went home and time passed and then had ballet class and then I went there and tortured myself a bit and then I met my seventeen year old cousin and went for a coffee and then back home at 10 and since then I am online.

Listening to romantic songs,surfing the net.. I still havent read a single page of all the books I wanted to read.. or even some blogs on my reader. Why is time passing by so quickly? and why do I always feel tired? Am I getting old?

Will I make the right decisions? marry for love, that woman told me. Is this advice still doable, current and kind of relevant? or is it another era we are talking about here, some romantic era, that has passed and has left us with no time to do anything, just time that we do everything.

I need a break really, from myself.

love
the rambler

Today is the day of the week when I am the busiest, but it was no as busy as expected so I didnt make so much money, and with the way that I am spending that is not good.

But what can you do? that is life.

I bought some electrical appliances for the hair. I know I shouldnt spend but they were cheap , and I am glad I did because I just tested them and they are good, very good, too good for their price.

I am hungry now and I need to undress from the work clothes and put my pyjamas on and relax. My brain is tired. I am like thinking all day, although I slept through the mid afternoon for like 40 minutes which actually made me worse, so dizzy , I really dont know why.

I drank a cup of coffee, and I felt immediately better. Oh shit, I forgot to pick up the coffe cup for the coffee I made for Mrs E that came to visit me and drink coffee with me. You see, I am a pharmacist, but sometimes my customers, not all of them, but the special ones, which like me and i like them, sit for coffee with me...and then i complain my day was tiring eh? I know...bloody lazy greeks...


But anyways,I came back home and it was spot clean because my beloved treasure that I have for a boyfriend cleaned up. He hoovered the whole house, dusted, washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen surfaces, tidied up and cleaned the cutlery drawer, folded all the kitchen towels and EVEN cleaned the toilet!!!
I am marrying the man TOMORROW. and I dont care that I am a pharmacist and he is not educated, or at the same cultural level (my dads words) as me....

hey daddy, have you EVER EVER in your life helped mom with the housework???

well.....let me think


And the answer is NO.


I guess I prefer my bf helping me with stuff and caring about me being tired, more than I care if he can understand the second law of thermodynamics...come to think of it,if I told him what the second law was, I am quite sure he would get it. BUT WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?

I mean I can really see some practical applications for everyday life.

and that was my day. I am hungry now, but i am too lazy to cook but I dont want to order some delivered food lookalike stuff, so maybe I will just be hungry. I dont know

Then people tell me I am too thin. Of course I am thin, I am thin because I am lazy and I have nobody to cook nice greek food for me. aaaaaaaahhhh


nevermind

talk to you tomorrow

love

the rambler