I havent written for some days now. And really there is nothing there to write.

I only want to stress two things. I dont know how to react to people trying to take advantage of me and second I am really bored of everything.

Nothing seems to be fun anymore. I dont know why. The only thing I like is sleeping , and even that sometimes is difficult, to get to sleep , I mean.

I have been thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. I know it seems irrational and out of the blue, but I am not having fun anymore in my relationship. There is so much out there and all I am doing is living a boring, miserly life.

He is not to blame ofcourse,I am. But he is a tendency that makes it worse. He is not trying to pull me out of it, rather likes it, thinks this is the way life is and actually tries to maintain the situation.

I dont know yet what to do, this nagging thought and the insecurity of not being sure of how you feel or think about a subject or a person makes me feel rotten.

On a happy note though, I decorated for Christmas, and the house and the tree look gorgeous.

I just wish I was feeling gorgeous as well.

I have to remember I have a dermatologist appointment on Tuesday! I should def not forget that.

I am going back to my reading now. Currently I am reading the god delusion. I am at chapter 5 so I dont have much to tell you.

I am also reading the road less travelled number 3 in the series, I dont know exactly the title in English. I will let you know what I think when I finish with that one too.

love

Here we are again , at the end of a Monday. Usually I hate Mondays, but today it was a good day! I planted my gardenia in a bigger pot, cleaned my pharmacy, and the time passed quickly.

It wasnt so busy but I wasnt so tired, so time passed quickly. I am sleeping in the afternoons as well now, so it is good!

I will start going to bed at 10.30 from today, meaning that I will sleep around 11, god willing! I need to be getting more sleep, it is just not normal to sleep only 6 hours per night, when I am getting so tired throughout the day.

What else. The weekend was boring. I didnt do anything interesting apart from talking to annoying people, or talking to people, but talking too much, which I always later on regret.

My grandmother is going through a bout of hysteria lately. She suggested that I should get a perm, that my pashmina looked like a sheet (for beds). She told me that having too many bf is disastrous for somebody's character, that she was 29 when she got married, and she had been quite the catch coz 50 young men were asking for her hand, but she loved nobody.She never fell in love all her life apparently. It doesnt amaze me, she is a true narcissist, so it is logical. She claims that she had so much pride that she would not allow anybody to say that she loved him and of course she was scared to death, what might happen if she did love somebody, would he take advantage of her?

oh! the absurdities of the old greek women, still living in another century ethically.They still consider virginity a virtue, not because of christian values, but god knows why! I guess in their time, it was like a pride thing.

She looks at me and she sees somebody that should marry asap. I am turning 30....so I cant really ask for much. The problem is she doesnt think so highly of me, so who will have to put up with me? I am also impure, having so so so many lovers.I told her 5.It shocked her.Should I feel sorry for her, or for me that I have to waste my time listening to her bs? Or maybe it is the least you can do for your grandma, who is a widow, alone and needs some company. And doesnt like anybody else really....But all in all, it is annoying and it did put another black mark on an already boring and unhappy Sunday.

Tomorrow it is a Tuesday, and maybe I will be visiting my aunt that had a baby recently. It is her first baby and she is turning 50. Pretty amazing. I am very curious to see motherhood at such an age, especially when knowing my aunt, she is not the most patient person in the world.

I got two more spots on my face. I dont know why I keep getting them.What is wrong with me? there can be so many reasons why. Stress, different products of skincare, makeup, hormones, etc etc...who knows....I hope they go away and never come back!


kisses!

Today I was supposed to be busy.I wasnt. I am not making enough money.

I learned today that a young baby girl has brain cancer and I rang my connections, maybe we could do something for her so she can go to the USA to be operated. Fingers crossed.Lets hope the baby gets well.


So I am tired. And I am reading the road less traveled. Has anybody read this? what are your opinions? sometimes it makes me think he is arrogant, sometimes he makes me think he is right...

I have to finish it to let you know.

What else? I need to start going to bed earlier.Like 10.30. I am not getting enough sleep.

Sunday today and I did nothing . I overslept, which was good.

I had lunch with my bf, had a fight with my mum coz I didnt have lunch with her, and then just bought newspapers and magazines that I didnt have time to browse through, let alone read, and now I have to prepare myself mentally for the week to come.

I have soooo much paperwork. I mean too much paperwork, which I hate, and I dont know when I will do it. The problem is that I have to do it, when I do not have customers in the pharmacy because I get confused. Maybe I could do it in the afternoon but that means extra work and less time for myself, and time actually wasted, but I have to figure something out.

So now I am off to my newspapers.

Tomorrow with more news.

PS
I had a weird dream, I have a premonition of somebody dying. I know who , and I feel it is going to happen within the week. I will let you know if it does happen or not.

I didnt write yesterday, the main reason being that I was too tired. My day was like full of events, small events, but events nevertheles.

A woman that is 70 years old and has some weird red spots on her face wanted a makeup to conceal them. Well she didnt want a makeup, that was entirely up to me to translate, because she came asking for powder, like talc , as we say. After probing , I realised what she wanted and gave her the compact from La roche posay toleriane, with the little sponge which worked as a charm and then she was happy because she wouldnt have to fend off all these women at church that kept commenting on her face and spots. So first realisation of the day, that unless , I get to go to their church on Sunday, I will not be able to grasp the real social life of the village I work in.

She then brought me a picture of when she was engaged. What a true beauty she was. If I felt envious, and I live in 2009, with sufficient money , techniques, photoshop and loads of makeup , then imagine how her contemporaries felt like. I mean lets talk Ingrid Bergman style, lets talk freshness like you have never seen before, and a breathtaking sweet face, close to angelic. She was sad though, she was so sad and she confided in me ( i have to tell you here, she takes drugs for depression and a bit more than that), after making me swear that I will talk to nobody, in essence I am talking to nobody, coz nobody reads my blog, that she still thinks of the man she loved but didnt marry 50 years ago.

I know from another lady, who this man is, and i didnt ask further details. I know the man because he had been my neighboor for a very long time and do not hold him so much in esteem.But she still thinks about him , she is still unhappy that she was forced to love somebody she didnt love, and was forced to live a life throughout which she was always reminiscing of the few romantic moments when he asked her to dance and he held her hand . I mean that was what a relationship was like at the time. No sex involved really. Poor woman, I felt so sad.

I felt sadder when I found out that a car had run over one of the kittens I gave my friend , so I cried a bit and rang my mom and my bf, but nobody seemed to care. They were all busy. They did ring me back to check up on me ,but by the time, I had customers , so I had pulled myself together already.

Then i drove back home to take some yarn for a lady to knit a scarf for her granddaughters and also bring some bread and some drugs to my grandma, and then I went back to work.

I took my mothers employee. I borrowed her. She is a nice girl with a big big story. This will take ages , so I will talk in another post about her. Anyways she was moaning about her life again but once more decided to ignore my advice on how her life could get better and instead spent some minutes outside the pharmacy sucking on a cigarette like a real addict. Disturbing, I must say.

Then I went home, exhausted. and slept, exhausted after just doing nothing really.

and that was Friday.

Saturday now, I took very few money with me to the library so I couldnt spend anything. I still bought a pair of boots, damn it.

I borrowed some new books and then met up with my bf to drink coffee, a thing we havent done in a year or so.It was ok.. Actually it is nice, I liked it!

I then went home and time passed and then had ballet class and then I went there and tortured myself a bit and then I met my seventeen year old cousin and went for a coffee and then back home at 10 and since then I am online.

Listening to romantic songs,surfing the net.. I still havent read a single page of all the books I wanted to read.. or even some blogs on my reader. Why is time passing by so quickly? and why do I always feel tired? Am I getting old?

Will I make the right decisions? marry for love, that woman told me. Is this advice still doable, current and kind of relevant? or is it another era we are talking about here, some romantic era, that has passed and has left us with no time to do anything, just time that we do everything.

I need a break really, from myself.

love
the rambler

Today is the day of the week when I am the busiest, but it was no as busy as expected so I didnt make so much money, and with the way that I am spending that is not good.

But what can you do? that is life.

I bought some electrical appliances for the hair. I know I shouldnt spend but they were cheap , and I am glad I did because I just tested them and they are good, very good, too good for their price.

I am hungry now and I need to undress from the work clothes and put my pyjamas on and relax. My brain is tired. I am like thinking all day, although I slept through the mid afternoon for like 40 minutes which actually made me worse, so dizzy , I really dont know why.

I drank a cup of coffee, and I felt immediately better. Oh shit, I forgot to pick up the coffe cup for the coffee I made for Mrs E that came to visit me and drink coffee with me. You see, I am a pharmacist, but sometimes my customers, not all of them, but the special ones, which like me and i like them, sit for coffee with me...and then i complain my day was tiring eh? I know...bloody lazy greeks...


But anyways,I came back home and it was spot clean because my beloved treasure that I have for a boyfriend cleaned up. He hoovered the whole house, dusted, washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen surfaces, tidied up and cleaned the cutlery drawer, folded all the kitchen towels and EVEN cleaned the toilet!!!
I am marrying the man TOMORROW. and I dont care that I am a pharmacist and he is not educated, or at the same cultural level (my dads words) as me....

hey daddy, have you EVER EVER in your life helped mom with the housework???

well.....let me think


And the answer is NO.


I guess I prefer my bf helping me with stuff and caring about me being tired, more than I care if he can understand the second law of thermodynamics...come to think of it,if I told him what the second law was, I am quite sure he would get it. BUT WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?

I mean I can really see some practical applications for everyday life.

and that was my day. I am hungry now, but i am too lazy to cook but I dont want to order some delivered food lookalike stuff, so maybe I will just be hungry. I dont know

Then people tell me I am too thin. Of course I am thin, I am thin because I am lazy and I have nobody to cook nice greek food for me. aaaaaaaahhhh


nevermind

talk to you tomorrow

love

the rambler

well today, I spent all my money. That's it , i have to stop bying make up. I have to stop buying makeup! I have to stop buying makeup.

I will not buy makeup again. I will say it like a mantra in my head.

I forgot to say yesterday, that this customer of mine that comes and talks about her mother in law, is THE best example of mix and match clothing (NOT). she will wear all different textures, all different patterns and it is like very weird, because i am sure she has clothes that are simple and match, but she will wear combinations that are unthinkable, that cant be random, that are just too weird to put in words.

and she says, without me commenting on anything, that she knows her clothes dont match, but it is ok...eeehh?? weird people. I mean if you know they dont match, math them, if you dont care, then why mention it?

I JUST DONT GET IT.


just a relaxing day today, tomorrow is the day when i have the most workload, and i have to be relaxed and all rested for tomorrow, where i am working full concentration, full speed and full patience, breathe in , breathe out!

I bought so many lipsticks, 7, in quite the same shade, and one that i didnt like, just coz the cosmetic lady said she wears it and likes ,it.

Apparently, I dont like it and I wont wear it, unless I find a way to make it super good looking with a gloss. which I will, but why on earth bother when you have like 200 more lipsticks that are like better? anyways....


I met this girl on the bus, we used to go to school together, and she was not lets say the brightest one but right after I graduated, at the age of 23 , she decided to go to England and study. She told me today with SUCH an attitude that she has a bachelor and two masters, as if I am a stranger to english unis and I dont know how things work and how two masters can also mean I spent my parents money for 3 years just pretending to study all day and becoming a pain in the ass on the other group members that knew how to do the master thesis... I should have probed her about her studies....but naaaah I am not a bad person.

She was into latin american way. What is wrong with some Europeans, they think they are mexicans. And they call Mexico, Mehiko, like the Real mexicans do.....

i am telling you too much attitude, well, staying here in the motherland, working for a politician, sucking up his arse, well her attitude, I give her 4 months and she will settle....into a normal greek again! ready to do all the greek things we do in this small city we live in.

that was my day so far. Now it is reading time, and knitting time! and then sleeping time!!!

love you all,

rambler

Today was a monday. As I had the flu all weekend, I thought I would still be feeling a bit under the weather... but no, I had to be feeling all well on Monday so there would be no excuse for me not working.

Anyways , today wasnt really busy, so it was relaxing and I cant be really moaning about it. I had some weird customers, telling me that maybe their 81 year old mother in law is having sex in an unorthodox way, so maybe she is bleeding from behind but that is a memory i dont really feel like cherishing to say the least.

I had lunch at my mother's place, which was pleasant, and that is a rare occasion.Then , no time to relax, back to the pharmacy and now at last at home, at the comfort of my pyjamas...yes yes yes!!!

I had this inspiration thing at 17 o clock where the plot , i mean the whole plot and the set of characters for my new book, apart from all the other new books that i plan to write, just came in my head, and now there is one more masterpiece waiting to be written by me.

but lets just stick to the journal for now. it is a good step i started writing it. I must keep my motivation long enought to use the capital letters when I need to but it somehow stops the flow.

So nothing major today. No major boyfriend news, or any news of any kind, just maybe the fact that a married guy tried to flirt with me. Is it really a flirt when they end up showing you pictures of their 20 month old kid? I dont really know, nor do I care to find out really...

kisses

It has been 7 months since I have written a word in this blog. A lot has happened.Actually too many things have happened in 7 months.

7 months ago, I was living with my family at their house, the family home, without a job, without an income, without real plans for my life, completely in love with my boyfriend , just taking one day at a time, trying to shelter my lovelife from my family life, namely my mother trying every other way to separate me from my boyfriend.

Now, I own my own pharmacy store, that was financed solely by my mother, through endless wars of power and compromise and using every other trick, to get my way, without having to compromise my private life.I have also moved away, not very far away, 20 minutes by car, but it is still a different house I am living in,the house, the appartment that I call my home.

My home and my job are the best things that hapened to me. My home makes me feel safe, relaxed and free. My job makes me feel active , useful and makes my sef confidence grow!

There are problems, of course, namely my relationship has cooled off a bit, if not a lot, I have become a different person, someone I dont yet know if I want to be or not...

Nowadays I work all mornings weekdays and most of the afternoons, and I have to care for the house in the weekends, which leaves not a lot of time for my hobbies, which have grown and grown....

Apart from having some 6 books to read in my reading list, apart from following blogs, internet news, google feeds, utube videos, facebook friends and planning to write my own books, I have started knitting as well, which has become somewhat of an obsession and I have hardly time for anything.

But I am making a promise now. I will write in this blog daily. I have to put priorities now that I dont have much time. Even if it is something boring I write, I have to write it, not just for the practice of writing, not just for the feeling of sharing with you, but also for remembering.

Because, now , that time flies so fast, I find it hard to remember, and I want to remember if my days are happy full or just full.

so...

that was a small summary of 7 months gone by. those last 7 months were no fun at all. they were stressful, they were agonising, and no fun. I have become moody and snappy and not a happy person at all.Although everybody says I should count my blessings, job, house, boyfriend, car, and all, and everybody around me is envious of the things I have and of the things I am, inside it all feels stretched, undecided, and unresolved. Maybe this blog will be more therapeutic than I had thought.

love

a rambler...

Today has been a good day so far! Last night, I went out with my boyfriend , visited some friends at their local bar, and it was ok, I guess, went back home and slept!

I feel that that stopping the pill and trying to eat healthier, and be more healthy has made a slight change in my moods, my attitude and the way I am in general, although the flu that I have is influencing the result a lot I guess.

So we slept and we slept and it was nice because I really love him , he is such a treasure really.

and then we got up and we went back to our family houses which is always stressful.

Later in the evening , he brought me home my new dog! I dont know how to name him yet, he is not of any distinguished race , he is jet black, quite fat, and quite cute, although he has the angst of separation now. I hope he does get better, I put him together with my other dog, female, which is very nice and quiet and I think they wont be having any problems.

I just hope that the cats wont attack him.... but i dont think they will go where my other dog is so i think he will be ok!

Now I need to sleep, because I really cant be bothered to go out , ill and all, it is just too much for me at this time, although I would love to party a little bit, since it will be ages when there will be people again in this god forsaken place...but i am too tired.
so nite nite.....

Today was one of those days that look completely useless and pointless from the outside, but are quite essential for the days to come and a result of the days that were.

My throat was so sore, i could not speak without feeling razorblades cutting the lining of my throat, nor swallow without having to think twice of what I had just done. So I just slept all morning,and a little bit of the noon, finally getting out of bed at 15.00 . Ridiculous, you would say, but thats what happened.

then I decided to tidy my wardrobe up! what a mess was that, and taking into consideration the changes of the weather, it took me 3 hours to get it done properly, and that was without ironing and cleaning etc.....

And then, since my day had been so productive until that point, I decided to go shopping, which I did, and I bought 3 pairs of jeans! for 250 euros all of them!

and now, after having had dinner, I am wondering what to do next!

maybe I should go and try my new jeans on! yeahhhh

love

I always wanted to become a writer. I thought that with the imagination that I have and the languages that I know , that it would be an easy thing to do. However, it is proving to be real hard, and the reason is, that whenever I feel like writing something, the thought goes in my head, that says, that there is no need to write something like that, that nobody would ever want to read it.

So , before I start writing fiction, I will keep this online journal of my life, just to get in the habit of writing, and to get the ideas flowing from inwards to outwards. If anybody reads this blog, I would be happy to reply to comments.

Having the anonymity of the internet, I guess I will be able to write freely about my life here, the events that happen, and the thoughts that follow.

So , welcome to my journal.I hope it will be interesting for you